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December 24, 2011

7.5 Ounces of The Grandmother

by juju2112

“Hi new person. Welcome to our group! We usually hang out here at the coffee shop for a while, and then go around to the bar later. What sort of stuff are you interested in?”

“I’m on a voyage of discovery. I had a dream last night where I came to your group and shared my knowledge with you. So, that’s why I‘m here. If you could see the things I’ve seen, you’d KNOW THE TRUTH!”

“What are you talking about? What truth?”

“Everything is alive, man… the rocks, the trees… the Earth! What you see around you isn’t real. This table… it isn’t real! It’s just atoms. There are things beyond our reality!”

“Okay… how do you know this?

“I know.”

“Okay. How can I know?”

“Well, first, you need to get yourself a shaman. He’ll take you out to a remote location somewhere in nature. Then, you need to take 7.5 ounces of The Grandmother. Then, you transcend reality and become one with the universe. Then you’ll KNOW!”

“… the what? The Grandmother?””

::speaks in hushed tones::

“Yeah. It’s a type of mushroom. I don’t like to say it that way, in case the cops hear!”

5 hours later, after mind-numbing conversations about the meaning of the universe, how belief and knowledge are really the same thing, and reality isn’t really real, only the visions experienced while on The Grandmother are real….

“You guys aren’t being very open-minded. I thought you guys were free thinkers!”


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