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26
Apr

The Errand

Once, the manager for the video store I used to work at asked me to run an errand in her car for the store. Being an obedient employee, I said, “sure”, and asked her what kind of car she drove. I had a vague idea, but I just wanted to be sure I remembered right. 

Anyway, I got out to her car, checked the color and model, and it’s the right car. I find that the doors are unlocked. 

“What an idiot.”, I think to myself, “Why the hell do people do that? Hey, I’ll just leave my car unlocked for any fool to wander in!” 

So I jump in the seat, and slide the key into the ignition. But for some reason, it won’t turn. I try twisting it really hard, jiggling it around a bunch, but it’s just not happening. “What the heck is wrong with this stupid thing?”, I think to myself, “It’s almost as if this key wasn’t made for this car.”

So I go back inside and tell her that the key doesn’t work. She looks at me incredulously and then decides I’m an idiot. 

“You just have to jiggle it around a little. Go back and try it again. You’ll get it.” 

“Fine”, I think to myself, and I go back out and sit in the driver’s seat again. Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, this shit isn’t working. Now I’m bored, so I start flipping through her cassette tapes to see what her musical preferences are. I don’t remember what tapes were there, but I remember finding her choices amusing.

Then, for some reason, I decided to turn around and look at the cars parked behind me. I don’t know why I did this. Maybe subconsciously, the wheels in my head were actually turning (I doubt it). So I turn around in the seat and look, and there’s another car that looks exactly like the one I’m sitting in, about thirty feet away. Same model, same year, same fucking color.

“SHIT!”

I get out of the car and start to walk back inside, but before I’m even 5 feet away, I look up, and there’s this horrified but very cautious looking lady staring at me and not moving an inch. She has a little kid with her, and I can tell by the look in her eyes that she thinks I’m going to strangle her and her child right then and there. I realize that she owns the car I’d just been sitting in, and now I’m busted!! She’s now seen me get out of her car and I’m now a criminal. 

I apologized and tried to explain that I was borrowing a friend’s car and had gotten into the wrong one, but like any explanation in a circumstance like that, It came out really stupid-sounding. I’m sure she thought I’d just made it up. Luckily for me, she thought I was going to KILL her and her poor child and chop them up into little bitty pieces (I could tell by the shock and fear in her eyes). So she accepted my half-assed explanation and got the hell out of there (once I started to walk away, of course). 

This above circumstance has got to be one of THE most embarrassing things that’s ever happened to me in my entire life. It’s like, top ten. Hell, probably top five.