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31
Jan

Back Pain

Since Thursday, I have been experiencing an extremely bad sciatica episode. Saturday and Sunday were the worst. It felt like someone was stabbing me with a very large knife over and over again, all day and all night.

Sometimes, I just felt tingly in my shoulder, arm, and left hand. Sometimes, my whole hand would go numb. Sometimes, just my fingertips would go numb. Other times, it felt like I had been set on fire.

To the outside observer, it just looks like I am roiling around, contorting my body, and yelling for no apparent reason.

I have been unable to sleep. Once past a certain point of exhaustion, I would nod off for a few minutes, then wake up in stabbing pain. The cycle would repeat itself again, over and over, all night.

This is apparently because I sit at a desk. I can’t imagine anything less dangerous. I haven’t been to war. I am not involved in extreme sports. I’m just sitting down.

I went to the emergency room. The doctor told me it wasn’t life threatening (which felt like an accusation), gave me a prescription for drugs, and sent me home.

The drugs made the pain go from 8-9 to 4-5. Which is good, but it doesn’t exactly leave me jumping for joy, either.

I have talked to my doctor about this before. It seems like doctors are afraid that if they operate, they might accidentally sever your spine (oops). So, they just send you to a guy that teaches you yoga instead. This isn’t a cure at all, it just makes things more manageable.

This is why chiropractors make so much money, despite tapping people with tuning forks and claiming they can cure the flu and cancer. Because the doctors can’t offer solutions.

Meanwhile, everyone seems to have their own solution they want to offer me. I know they just want to help. They don’t want to be told someone is in pain, only to respond, “Welp, that’s too bad for you”, and then have nothing.

Most of the suggestions are long-term, though. They don’t help with the immediate pain. And it seems like there’s no way to objectively test anything. Just try something at random with a 6-7 month turnaround time to see if it worked.

Many of the suggestions feel like prideful accusations. Gee, if only you wouldn’t sit at a desk all day. What were you thinking? Why the fuck don’t you walk every day? Didn’t you get the memo about sitting up straight? All you have to do is do pushups against a wall horizontally. Problem solved. My mother had this, and she sacrificed a chicken every night at midnight. We feel like that helped.

Thanks a lot. I’ll look into that.

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